10 points if you name that tv character
November 2011
21 posts
My Facebook feed is full of people taking pictures of their food.
I know what a plate of turkey looks like.
“Terrible. My son got hit by a car yesterday. He’s going to have to be in the hospital for months. They couldn’t believe he survived. It’s all my fault. It’s really my fault. It’s for a crime my older brother committed. It’s vigilante justice. There were no skid marks— the car didn’t try to stop. He was a target.”
—Woman in line at the bank today, after the teller said, “Hi how are you?” This is real, I did not make this up after watching too many episodes of Law & Order, I promise.
Mindy Kaling's make-believe conversation with Kirsten Wiig
- (Joni Mitchell's "Blue" is playing on my computer.)
- Kristen: God, I love this album.
- Me: Me too Doesn't it make you wish we'd been alive during Woodstock?
- Kristen: Yes! I always think that when I listen to this!
- Me: That's hilarious. Hey, do you want to go get some lunch and then hit Crabtree & Evelyn?
- Kristen: (as though I'm an idiot): Uhhh yeah. I mean if we can even fit out the door of this tiny office.
- Me: You're so bad.
- (We laugh and laugh.)
- Kristen: Seriously, I wish we could've gone to Woodstock together.
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if i hosted trivia nights
this person was there to bring me an extra pair of elastic-waist pants in kindergarten when i peed in a chair : who is my grandma
he’s not on facebook, but he was on an episode of Cold Case : who is my high school boyfriend
age 7, i bought a denim jacket at gap kids to resemble this actor : who is Paul Reiser
this person gave me old flowers from the dining room table when s/he found out i got my period : who is my father
i pretended to know who this band was, and laughed really loudly at a related joke, to get my 8th grade teacher to think i was cool : who/what is twisted sister
i had a crush on this teacher : who is my 8th grade teacher
i learned about this from a very special episode of Friends : what is premature ejaculation
i told my boyfriend’s family i didn’t know how to do this : cook or play sports (both acceptable answers)
i told these people they looked cool like assassins : two men in nice suits going to a funeral
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