January 2012
16 posts
Saw a bumper sticker on someone’s car that said I <3 My Mutt. On first glance I thought it said I <3 My Mute, and I thought, how nice. This guy really loves his mute kid.
Play
“Do you think the penny sings Unchained Melody?”
—My dad, on Ghost the Musical
“If you’re in the 26th row how do you even see the penny?”
—My dad, on Ghost the Musical
“It may very well be true that another person is succeeding and you are not experiencing success, but one has nothing to do with the other. There’s not a limited amount of success going around. In what world does it make sense that if I am funny, you are not funny? NO WORLD. We need to believe in, encourage, support, and massage each other’s egos. I believe in you. I believe in what you’re doing. Please keep doing it, and maybe do a little of it near me.”
—Elissa Bassist, “How to Write Like a Funny Woman” on The Rumpus (via sarahspy)
you’re always colder when you have to pee, because your body is working on keeping the pee warm
At the coffee shop, we set out two tip jars, and asked “Would you rather have the power of invisibility” on one and “or flight” on the other. Flight got more tips than invisibility. I kept trying to convince people they were wrong for putting their money in there. Sure, flying would be cool, but think of all the things you could see if you were invisible! All the stuff you could learn about first hand! All the snooping you could do! “Yeah, but if you can fly you can just go wherever you want any time you want.” “Yeah, but if you’re invisible you can walk into an airport like it ain’t no thang, and just walk onto any flight you want.” Their faces go blank. “Yeah…but…”
Before people are about to order their coffee they stare over my head. That’s where the menu is, so it makes sense, but sometimes I forget about that and it just looks like everyone who walks in is absolutely crazy. They open their mouths or say like “Hmmm” or “what do i want what do i want what do i want.” I usually say “I don’t know” or “Describe what tastes you like and I’ll make it. Assuming the tastes are mostly coffeeish.” Then they realize I’m there and make eye contact with me, and either smile or keep staring. In my head I make a montage of all their stares and their “hmms” and “uhhhs.”
If they pay with a credit card, I take note of their name. If it’s a good name I usually can’t help but remember it. Sometimes I look them up on Facebook when I get home, if I remember. I find out everything about them really immediately, and the next time they come in, I have some secrets from them.
